St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross
­ Edith Stein ­ 
( 2 )

 The Years of Waiting 

 The Search for Truth

 At the Carmel of Cologne

 In the Mystery of the Cross

The Years of Waiting 

Edith was baptised on January 1^st 1922. But her entrance to Carmel was still many years away. She accepted the delay with serenity and trust in God. In a letter of 1934 she says, "If my vocation to the convent is authentic, it will enable me to bear the period of trial. If on the other hand it is an illusion of first fervour, far better to discover this outside the convent than inside, with the resulting bitter disappointment"⁽⁸⁾. On the other hand she knew well that the Carmelite vocation was "a grace wholly undeserved", dependent entirely on the will of God. For us, "it is not possible to make plans, to take decisions...." We must "make the future a question of God's will, and abandon ourselves to him". Reconsidering her disposition of perfect conformity to the plans of God, Edith came to enjoy "a state of repose in God, of complete spiritual relaxation in which one makes no plans of any kind, one makes no resolutions, in a word one simply does nothing.... This repose in God, consequent on lack of activity for want of natural energy, is something entirely new and extraordinary. Where before there was the silence of death, there is now the feeling of being hidden.... When I surrender myself to this impulse, a new life begins little by little to fill me... The life-giving movement is due to no effort whatever on my part"⁽⁹⁾ 

Edith wrote these words (published in 1922) shortly after her conversion, which she considered to be the beginning of her preparation for the Carmelite life. She began to gain first-hand knowledge of the Religious Life when she went as teacher for some years to the Dominican Sisters at Spires, and later at the Marianum in Munster. At Spires she adapted completely to the discipline of the house. She led an exemplary life of prayer, edifying everyone by her absolute fidelity to her duties as teacher of German at the Girls' Lyceum and at the higher Institute. Soon she was entrusted with the young Dominican Sisters who were training as teachers, and also the postulants. Records stress unanimously the uncommon teaching ability of Edith, and her capacity to capture the hearts of the students. "She was a shining example to us all. She trod silently the path of duty with modesty and simplicity, ever constant, friendly and open to all those who sought her help". Fr Erich Przywara wrote of her, "At St Magdalen's in Spires she was not only the best of teachers, but had also a formative influence on the Sisters and young religious, thanks to the discernment of the Prioress. St Magdalen's owes to Edith its best personnel, who today recognise that Edith was really their mistress of novices"⁽¹⁰⁾. 

In her free time Edith was already the contemplative of the Teresian Carmel. The need to lose herself in silent converse with God present in the tabernacle, was in line with the concept she had of religion as a personal relationship, a "friendship" with God who is present, as she had read in the Life of St Teresa. That same characteristic line of enquiry shown in her philosophical research was evident also in the first years of her Christian life, and was decisive in her efforts to give herself completely to the Lord, cutting herself off from the "world", and "occupying oneself solely with the thought of things divine" in solitude. The early experiences at Beuron and contact with liturgical prayer accompanied her first steps to overcome the narrowness of her own convictions. She began to appreciate the value of a universal dimension, of "objective" or liturgical prayer, which in its turn has need of the individual prayer so preferred by Edith. Liturgical prayer must necessarily have a wide and central place in the Christian and ecclesial life. 

The second step which Edith had to take was a return to philosophical work. Fr Przywara convinced her that philosophy neither opposes nor disturbs the life of faith. And not only that. He also deemed it necessary that Edith should study Christian philosophy where the genius of St Thomas Aquinas had predominated for centuries. He even asked her to do a translation of Quaestiones disputatae de Veritate, a difficult task for a phenomenologist without specific preparation. She produced a brilliant translation, however, placing the phenomenological method at the service of scholastic thought. But to find time for all this, she had to give up her post at the Dominican Lyceum at Spires. 

This however was not the only reason. By now Edith, through her conferences, had become widely known and appreciated throughout Catholic Germany. Some professors at this stage encouraged her to seek a post at one of the Universities, but almost immediately this became impossible because of her Jewish background. Already by 1931-32, anti-Semitism had begun to make itself felt in Germany. So Edith accepted a post at the Institute of Scientific Pedagogy in Munster, taking up duty there in the spring of 1932. Before that, however, she visited Beuron to confer with the Arch-Abbot, Raphael Walzer, about her desire to enter Carmel. It was not the first time he had heard of it. From her earliest meeting with him back in 1922, she had spoken of her vocation. But each time she had received the same reply, "See that you do for the Church what she expects of you". She received similar advice from Monsignor Schwind, who had directed her at Spires for some years, "Let the Church received from you the service she awaits, in the world of teaching. You must take this into consideration". 

Such reserve about her vocation to the cloister on the part of her directors was prompted also by concern for her mother, the elderly Augusta Stein. The conversion of her daughter to Catholicism was a stunning blow to this strong woman, who had never before been seen to weep until Edith told her of the step she had taken. To tell her now of plans to enter a cloister seemed to everyone almost inhuman, a sacrifice impossible to demand from a mother. Edith was nonetheless convinced of her call to Carmel. She was ready for the supreme sacrifice of a total break with her mother, and indeed with her family too who could not be expected to understand. This readiness of Edith stemmed from continuing fidelity to the dynamic development of her baptismal grace, which coincided in her with the grace of vocation. 

Her conferences and research on the ethic of the female professions reflect this fidelity. In a word, the feminine specific hold that "God alone can fully receive the gift of self from a human being, so as to fill her soul without losing anything of himself. For this reason the unconditional gift of self, which is the basic principle of the religious life, is at the same time the only possible realisation of a woman's aspirations"⁽¹¹⁾. This was Edith's goal. This gave her the strength to rise above all discussion and the judgements of her social circle. Once she had said Yes to the Lord, absolutely nothing would bring her to reverse her decision. She could not do otherwise than apply to life her outstanding logical thinking. To fulfil herself as a woman and a Christian, she could see no other way except the unconditional gift of herself to God in Carmel. 

8. 8. .Letter to Ruth Kantorowicz.  
9. 9. .Psychische Kausalität 76.  
10. 10. .Edith Stein in : In und Gegen 24.  
11. 11. .Formation and Vocation of the Woman 106.